My son might just be my only one.
I’m not sure about having another.
Of course if we did we would love them and we would make it work.
Whenever I’m in a happy place somewhere in nature where children seem the most free and parents the most carefree- and I see a lovely couple with their couple of kids I think about how joyful those moments would be with not one but two little, romping free spirits along for the adventure.
But those moments and that feeling don’t last when I return to reality. My home already feels full. I have my hubby, my son and my dog (also a M) and between them all I am content. Or rather I am satisfied that I have a wonderful family and grateful to be a mother. There is balance and a sense of stability.
The idea of being done with the infancy stage, nursing, a shit-storm of hormones, sleepless nights, an unpredictable and potentially body damaging birth (VBAC or repeat section), lack of family support, having to choose between a crowded small city apartment or move way out to the burbs and spend half our lives commuting, and let’s not even start in on the worries of climate change…
The concept of being able to truly afford the child we have; to be able to give him the helping hand in this insanely competitive world (the helping hand my husband and I were unable to have)… To be able to know that I have enough attention and bandwidth to devote to those already present in my life, including myself. The fact that I have known and loved many ‘only’ children- and have no prejudices towards them… They tend to be charismatic, natural leaders, mature and independent yet form family-like bonds with their friends. And yet if you dig in to each individual we can’t even apply such outcomes predictably because SO many factors work together to develop a character. Siblings or not.
I also just love seeing moms with their only children who I know have this insanely strong bond with their child.
Plus- our home will inevitably be filled with other children any ways- our son’s friends. We will have room for them on our trips, at our table, in our lives.
If another child is meant to be it will feel right. As of now I already feel like we’ve got it right. And knowing this may be my one and only sweet experience with my little Pumpkin takes away any possible guilt over being so present in his life vs rushing back to work to try and build more EI or not have such a ‘large gap’ from a career that two or more children would entail. If this is my one shot then I have every right to enjoy every second of it and make it worth infinite value.
This is not a judgement on people who do chose a different path. This only pertains to me and my family and what is right for us.
But who knows! I could change my mind tomorrow. And that would be OK too.