Posted 6 days ago

Since I became a SAHM…

I now brush my teeth at least 3-4 x’s a day, that’s up by almost double.

Perk or neurosis?
Only time will tell.

Posted 1 week ago

One And Only | Lauren Sandler

I am reading One and Only right now by Lauren Sandler and loving it.

A look at the history of only children, as well as personal experiences as an only and her decision to mother an only.

What an insightful read. Here’s a small exert:

(Tamar Kremer-Sadlik) has done a comparative self-reported diary of hundreds of Italian families and American families that lays bare some sources of the mismatch. ‘The equivalent in Italian data is to say, well, that’s life. Laugh it off. There is no measuring stick in Italy for whether you’re a good parent, and a good person. American mothers think they’re individual failures because they see every issue as their own individual problem, not a structural problem.’

Posted 1 week ago

Pumpkin: What is that moms?

Moms (me): It’s Baby Bottom Better cream.

Pumpkin: It’s for my bum. It heals my bum soo better!

Posted 2 weeks ago

Is there an association or support group out there for parents of highly spirited children?

You know… The kids whose parents are like- I’m not sure I can handle more than one because my one requires so much extra work (often physically as you are constantly trying to keep them out of danger)… Or the parents who already had one or more before their spirited one came along and then they’re like ‘dude, if —— had been our first I don’t think we would have had more.’

They are insanely intelligent and equally willful, vacillating between intense attachment and intense independence, often setting their own rules, being one moment highly socially and the other highly antisocial… Oh yes… Many of you will just call this normal two year olds… But for those who actually know what I mean by ‘spirited’ temperament- well you just know that it’s all that and more.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade this temperament for anything- because I know with the right support it will take him very far in life… But at the end of a loonngg (napless) day… We just need to know there are other parents out there who get it. Who know exactly what we’re going through.

Insert: deep, relaxing, breath, now.

Posted 2 weeks ago

Family Life =
Fun House or…
Funhouse

@_@

Posted 3 weeks ago

Working on his etchasketch-like pad thing this morning:

"I need more concentrating on this"

Well, ok then!

Posted 4 weeks ago

New Nick Names

I have now been dubbed by Pumpkin as ‘Mommy Moms’ or just ‘Mums’.

I’m so big in his world I’m plural.

Love him.

Posted 4 weeks ago

@Dover

Lol! Yes that is what I want people with sibling children to think when they see me and Pumpkin around! That it must be easy! Perfect! That would be a feat a la David Copperfeild! (High fives myself like Tina Fey)

#haveyametmyspiritedchild?!

Posted 4 weeks ago

Only One?

My son might just be my only one.
I’m not sure about having another.
Of course if we did we would love them and we would make it work.

Whenever I’m in a happy place somewhere in nature where children seem the most free and parents the most carefree- and I see a lovely couple with their couple of kids I think about how joyful those moments would be with not one but two little, romping free spirits along for the adventure.

But those moments and that feeling don’t last when I return to reality. My home already feels full. I have my hubby, my son and my dog (also a M) and between them all I am content. Or rather I am satisfied that I have a wonderful family and grateful to be a mother. There is balance and a sense of stability.

The idea of being done with the infancy stage, nursing, a shit-storm of hormones, sleepless nights, an unpredictable and potentially body damaging birth (VBAC or repeat section), lack of family support, having to choose between a crowded small city apartment or move way out to the burbs and spend half our lives commuting, and let’s not even start in on the worries of climate change…

The concept of being able to truly afford the child we have; to be able to give him the helping hand in this insanely competitive world (the helping hand my husband and I were unable to have)… To be able to know that I have enough attention and bandwidth to devote to those already present in my life, including myself. The fact that I have known and loved many ‘only’ children- and have no prejudices towards them… They tend to be charismatic, natural leaders, mature and independent yet form family-like bonds with their friends. And yet if you dig in to each individual we can’t even apply such outcomes predictably because SO many factors work together to develop a character. Siblings or not.

I also just love seeing moms with their only children who I know have this insanely strong bond with their child.

Plus- our home will inevitably be filled with other children any ways- our son’s friends. We will have room for them on our trips, at our table, in our lives.

If another child is meant to be it will feel right. As of now I already feel like we’ve got it right. And knowing this may be my one and only sweet experience with my little Pumpkin takes away any possible guilt over being so present in his life vs rushing back to work to try and build more EI or not have such a ‘large gap’ from a career that two or more children would entail. If this is my one shot then I have every right to enjoy every second of it and make it worth infinite value.

This is not a judgement on people who do chose a different path. This only pertains to me and my family and what is right for us.

But who knows! I could change my mind tomorrow. And that would be OK too.

Posted 1 month ago

This guy!

Whenever I ask him to do something and he doesn’t want to, he says:
‘Not yet. BuT sOOn!’

Posted 1 month ago

Feedback & Learning

Good video about ego vs task specific feedback.

(I think it’s nice to have a few special people that you get ego boosting feedback from though. Although even then I can’t see the harm in that kind of feedback also being linked to more specific praise.)

Posted 1 month ago

I’m ignoring him right now. Leaving him to his own devices. To squish play dough in to the rug. To run to me over and over again with some new inventive way to capture my attention away from this incessant typing. Only to be told ‘five more minutes’.

Is this good for him? Is this good for me? I told him, ‘Mommy likes to write stories. And one day, when you are older… You will read them.’

And with that last sentence I feel calm and secure. Yes. I will create a body of work through which you will know me. You will know how much I love you, and our family. You will know the way my mind spins words in to pictures. You’ll understand.

Posted 1 month ago

To All My WriterMamas Out There…

Haven’t had much personal space for writing, reading, classes or anything ‘personal development’ like that lately. Ever since my son completely dropped his nap at age 2. He’s 2 & 4m now.

We get a small amount of downtime in the afternoon while he watches a few kid’s shows, and then a little more in the evening after he sleeps (for about 12hr). However I’m so tired by then and it’s important to me to spend time with my hubby.

During our afternoon ‘downtime’ I’m also usually preparing food, washing dishes (no dishwasher) and searching for a new place to call home (somewhere w/ in suite laundry & a dishwasher). As well as debating such small life decisions such as whether or not to try for another child, what to focus on whenever I actually go back to work and where we should settle (burb’ or city and if so which hood).

I am writing the occasional (paid) fitness blog for an old neighbour. So that is something. I have written paid blogs and some technical writing before. But I’ve never truly focused on writing the way I’ve always wanted to. Something about ‘starving artist’ that scares me.

My mom was an artist in her early life and I would say that it did not work out well for her. However, following a more intellectual path didn’t necessarily make her happier, just less poor.

I in turn, being the eldest daughter of a single mom that I am, went straight towards academia but well… I’m not sure it really left me much better off than had I actually pursued more artistic endeavors. Not to mention that I have a pattern of being a Jaqueline of All Trades but Master of None. I have been called a chameleon. Yet like a true chameleon perhaps this is more of a careful strategy to hide myself from harm than an ability to actually transform the core of who I am.

Yet I can be happy with the simplest of pleasures. A good book. A delicious meal. A cozy bed. The company of my loved ones. Dancing. Singing. Watching birds and admiring trees. These creature comforts can satisfy me on such a deep level that worldly pursuits seem so empty by comparison.

Yet here I am. Still having something to say. Still wanting to hear and be heard by others. Still trying to find a little time here and there to keep this little dream of being a ‘writer’ alive. Inspired by all the great artists out there, with the spirit of Lena Dunham’s character on Girls. Who can just say ‘fuck this’ I will be an artist or starve trying.

I suppose if I were to truly commit to it, that I would be afraid of what the means. Being exposed. Having less time for being comfortable. Going in to such a deep and personal head space that all perspective is lost and people and time stand to be neglected… And most importantly… Fear of criticism. The sharp jaws of an unkind world swallowing me whole and spitting me out in a pile of broken bones. I mean- who in their right mind is crazy enough to want that???

Writers.

That’s Who.

Posted 1 month ago

Random Dream

Dreamt last night that I was in a writing class taught by Jimmy Fallon.

Our assignment was to write some hilarious comedy sketch to read to the class and I completely bombed. I ended up reading a terrible piece that made it seem as though I completely misunderstood the assignment and it was humiliating.

However, amidst a pile of the garbage of pieces I jotted down (like brain farts) was my true jem- a rant about a fellow class mate who was some hilarious, a-hole, who was so drunk in class that he threw up all over my shoes. The piece was bitingly mean and I had only intended to share it with the teacher (Jimmy).

I bombed so badly (I read some terrible haiku or something) that even Jimmy felt sorry for me.

Especially because I had previously just told him that I was proud to be handing in a piece I thought was great, and that that meant a lot coming from someone who never believed in her work.

I exposed myself to failure and humility for the sake of protecting some a-hole’s ego. I didn’t want to expose this person to public shame and I didn’t want to be perceived as unkind. So instead I absorbed all of the humiliation myself. I felt like a complete failure surrounded by the most confident, hilarious people ever.

Jimmy Fallon opened the presentations with a personal piece and it killed. I was in awe.


#apossiblymeangingfulmetaphor
#thereisawriterinsidedyingtogetout

Posted 1 month ago

Oh Hestia…

Home sweet home.

Take care the hearth-

For they all seek your home.