A Year of Parenting
To celebrate my daughter’s first birthday, I drew my most autobiographical comic ever.
You know what the difference is when you talk to people who are your soul mates?
You just get each other.
It doesn’t matter if your mates are friends, family or a lover. They are just people who instinctively understand your personal human condition.
I don’t know… Maybe it goes back to our origins in the stars… Our infinite, eternal existence on a molecular level. Or maybe not.
But whatever it is- soul mates just get you. Sometimes regular mates bond too, but there is always something missing. An insecurity if you will. Sure- you might connect over shared views or experiences… But should those reflections change, you drift apart.
Soul mates feel like cosmic magnetism. You understand them. They understand you. The relationship is relatively easy… Like going with the grain.
I don’t know. This is just something I believe and feel like sharing.
When you find good soul mates, you cherish them.
Modern mother of two and half year old boy seeks company of solo shopping, chocolate (lots), coffee beverages and wine for self soothing reasons. Accepting quality applicants only.
I’m not a fan of the ironically named ‘comfort’ height toilets.
I get who they might be comfortable for. People with mobility issues in their hip/knees. But this is not a normal way to *go*.
The thing about a spirited temperament, especially when combined with the normal development of a toddler, is that they have to test everything for themselves. Over and over and over again.
Let’s be real, in a time before the internet people didn’t have more adventures and make more meaningful connections. They watched TV and listened to CDs. Before that they listened to records and read magazines. Before that they listened to the radio and read bad dime novels. Before that they embroidered or some shit.
People have been staying inside and ignoring other people for as long as there have been buildings.
Tonight when Pumpkin farted he told me he was making music. I said, ‘fart beats?’ He said, ‘yeah fart beats.’
Everything right now is ‘whoa!’
As in ‘whoa that’s cool!’
It’s adorable and I love it, partly I’ll admit, because it makes me feel like a rock star.
Want some pancakes? ‘Whoa yeah!’
Here’s a great book we can read together! ‘Whoa, ok!’
Let’s go do some laundry! ‘Whoa laundry!’
Childhood, free spirit, happiness, a sense of wonder!
I love how Pumpkin says ‘better’ instead of ‘good’ right now.
Me: How is your lunch?
Everything good is better. That’s better than good right?! :)
I have felt cranky and crappy for almost two weeks. Coincidentally the same amount of time as I have been cutting afternoon coffee. But I don’t think it was cutting the coffee that was causing the irritation I was feeling. Because last night I realized that has also been about the amount of time since I last danced. We had done some pre-move rearranging and my stereo system was less accessible.
Normally I dance at least once or twice a week for fourty five mins. Before Pumpkin was born it was three-four x’s for at least an hour not including warm up and cool down. Music and moving to music is basically my way of life.
So this morning we rectified the whole situation and I feel GREAT. It’s amazing how cleansing sweat is and sharing music together with Pumpkin is the absolute best thing.
His favourite song these days is Playground by Major Lazer, so that plus Jah No Partial and Get Free, as well as Chase & Status Breathing and International plus Methods by Charizma and Marilyn Monroe by Brianna Perry. That is our soundtrack today.
He might be a DJ one day. Instead of being a crazy dance mom or hockey mom or soccer mom I could totally see myself being a DJ mom. He even has these little kid turn tables and he’s a natural drummer like his dad who hobbie’s in making electronic music that is so f-ing good and his dad before that who was a professional drummer. But no pressure ;)
Wow re-reading that was a mouthful! Hard to explain… But if you get it… You get it ;)
I’m really here trying not to bawl over saying goodbye tomorrow to this old mattress. I am SO sentimental about this mattress. We asked everyone for money at our wedding (which we paid for ourselves) instead of presents so we could buy a new mattress. The one we had before that was used. Gross right? But that’s what you do when you’re trying to make a dime out of fifteen cents. Our new natural mattresses are really a representation of how far we have come and we really love them too.
But this old mattress… The love it has seen. And you all know how perfect BED is right? End of a long day- BED. End of a great day- BED. Good book- BED. Good cry- BED. Snuggle with your mate- BED. The start and finish of ANY day- BED. BED, BED, BED.
Bed will be there for you with a hug and a snug anytime you need it. And this old mattress made us a family.
Picture me tomorrow when the people come to recycle the bed crying, beating my chest and taring at it, following it down the hall, through the elevator and out the front door… Bed… Don’t leave us! Come back!
But nope. I have to keep that in check because I already know this will be challenging enough on my two year old and I need to encourage us both to be strong and carry on. Onwards and upwards. New beds, new memories.
I wish I could close my Tumblr blog down now from gaining any new followers or from people outside my current group from reading this.
I continue wanting to write here… Because of the Tumblr friends I have made. But I find it difficult to express myself fully knowing how public this could be.
My son was 8m old when I first started writing on here. And I primarily started this to talk about only a few key motherhood topics- low milk supply, extended nursing and co-sleeping (for which I was gaining a hefty amount if knowledge on, but finding very few comprehensive blogs about it online).
And I was also really needing to vent about the situation I coined Nesting 3.0- a third wave of nesting that I think new moms are completely unprepared for that happens AFTER the child is born. Nesting 1.0 is the home planning that occurs before a baby is ever conceived. Nesting 2.0 is the home sorting that occurs during pregnancy that gets so much hype. Nesting 3.0 is when said baby comes along and you realize your priorities pre-child, while well meaning, were misguided- and maybe even (dare I say) naive.
In our case this meant realizing the suburb we moved to wasn’t going to work, because it was too far from my working, single mother AND that we are ultimately city people. This city people. This city I was born and raised in. The one that taught me street smarts and how to walk and transit everywhere, and how to strike up friendships easily (and non-comitely) with friendly faces from near and far. The same city that left me unprepared to deal with driving at all, let alone driving everywhere. Or unprepared to deal with wildlife, hard core cliques and loonngg commutes.
So we packed our bags, sold our condo and moved back home.
Throughout this time I continued blogging about this and that- trying to stick with motherhood issues and stay at home motherhood and occasionally other random things that nobody was really interested in (for 99% of people whose dashboard this is on that means *this too*.)
But the thing is, there is so much I’m just not in to writing about publicly. So much so that I’m in fact amazed I have made friends with those of you reading this now- because I feel like most of you guys are so much more open on here and honestly that’s why I like you- so how on earth can you like me back?! Lol. You don’t even know me! Well ok, you know my *tone* and you know a lot of what I think about that most of my close friends don’t even bother to ‘read’ in to, so I guess you know me enough.
I’m really grateful for you guys. I don’t say that enough. I just wish I could kind of write more now. Give you all more details, and me the satisfaction of writing them out knowing people I find interesting are reading. But I find it hard without this being a closed circuit. And I’m not holding back any major drama or anything! I’m pretty boring actually. I just think ALOT. So I have a lot to say or preferably write. Writing helps me clear and sort my thoughts.
You know it’s so hard to make real friends. But one thing that leads to making the kind of connections you don’t want to lose is going through a major life event with someone. In many cases I think childhood and high school are those kind of things. Major life transitions that are intensely social.
For a long time (in my 20s) I didn’t have that kind of thing that promoted bonding or needing other people. I had the love of my life, I worked, I schooled, I paid bills, I commuted, etc. But once my son came along I knew a whole new phase of development had started. And many of you guys stood by me (well my blog anyways) throughout. Your ‘likes’ told me that I wasn’t alone, or that I thought something funny or observant or something like that. They said that you ‘heard’ me and that you were still there and still listening.
Now, even though I’m hesitant about continuing to write here, I still want to- just because I don’t want to lose my Tumblr mom ‘pen pals’. You know I couldn’t have ever dealt with those crazy babycenter beeches right?! Ha. Even on Tumblr it took a long time to cultivate the little network I feel like I’m part of. I know there’s tons of other and much larger Mumblr networks on here. But I have no need to branch out.
Anyhow not sure how to formally end this topic. So I’ll just stop here for now.